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Jan. 20th, 2003 01:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
strange_aeonsI have insomnia. This must come as a tremendous surprise to all three of you who are actually reading this and haven't already been told, at length, in tones of despair and frustration, because it's not as though I have the classic insomniac's personality. And even if I do, well, I have a very coffee-drinker sort of personality, but you don't see me with a mug grafted to my hand, do you?
What this means is that periodically I have to fix my sleep cycle, because I find myself becoming crepuscular. (I'm seasonal affective, so that's bad.) I've found only two ways of doing this. One involves waking up whenever I do — generally far too late in the afternoon — and staying awake until some reasonable hour of the next day, whereupon I fall into bed, sleep deeply and soundly, and wake up bright-eyed and bushy-haired the next day.
This does not work, except for the bit about my hair, which would do that anyway.
If I manage to stay awake for that long, rather than giving up and taking a ten-hour 'nap' at four in the afternoon, I will not fall asleep at a reasonable hour the next day. I will invariably fall asleep at five in the morning the day after next. So not only do I have to deal with residual psychosis from sleep deprivation, I'm discouraged, and I spend the rest of the week not knowing what day it is. Plus, six in the morning is the most boring hour of the day. If I'm tired, I'm not usually able to stay awake through it without a lot of help.
The other way is drugs.
See, my roommate is like a walking apothecarist's, and she doesn't mind me raiding the medicine cabinet occasionally because I'm much, much easier to live with when I've had enough sleep. I don't generally have anything of note in there, because I have to be held down and shouted at before it will occur to me to take medication when I'm sick or injured, so buying it when I'm not is out of the question, and I'm not on any prescriptions. I may have some epinephrine around somewhere. Anyway.
I tried the drug tactic a few months ago, with a muscle relaxant the name of which escapes me. I have a good history with muscle relaxants. I've had a couple of injuries that compelled me to use them, and they've always knocked me out. Not this time, though. No, this time I spent the entire night lying awake in bed, very relaxed but fully conscious. I finally went downstairs to the computer sometime after dawn, and discovered that I hadn't the willpower to make myself sit up properly or, you know, type. I spent most of the rest of the day on the couch. Sitting perfectly still had never been so pleasurable.
Last night I tried Promethazine, an anti-emetic known to friends who can afford brand name as the somewhat less silly Phenergan. It worked ... sort of. I'm naturally inclined to sleep not in a long block but in a lot of ten- to sixty-minute chunks interspersed with irritable wakefulness, and this is what Phenergan gave me, just a few hours earlier than it would have come on its own. I still feel sleepy, but I'm not sure if that's just because I didn't sleep very well, or if it's the drug. My roommate, when she described Phenergan's relevant side effect, used the word 'delicious'. The sleep I got was not 'delicious'. I feel cheated.
And then there is Benadryl, the perennial favorite, which clears my nasal passages and gives me eight hours of sound sleep, and which I am perpetually out of. I need to buy some fucking Benadryl. Somebody remind me on Thursday.
(Look, when I say 'tomorrow', obviously I mean sometime next week, maybe, if I feel like it.)
What this means is that periodically I have to fix my sleep cycle, because I find myself becoming crepuscular. (I'm seasonal affective, so that's bad.) I've found only two ways of doing this. One involves waking up whenever I do — generally far too late in the afternoon — and staying awake until some reasonable hour of the next day, whereupon I fall into bed, sleep deeply and soundly, and wake up bright-eyed and bushy-haired the next day.
This does not work, except for the bit about my hair, which would do that anyway.
If I manage to stay awake for that long, rather than giving up and taking a ten-hour 'nap' at four in the afternoon, I will not fall asleep at a reasonable hour the next day. I will invariably fall asleep at five in the morning the day after next. So not only do I have to deal with residual psychosis from sleep deprivation, I'm discouraged, and I spend the rest of the week not knowing what day it is. Plus, six in the morning is the most boring hour of the day. If I'm tired, I'm not usually able to stay awake through it without a lot of help.
The other way is drugs.
See, my roommate is like a walking apothecarist's, and she doesn't mind me raiding the medicine cabinet occasionally because I'm much, much easier to live with when I've had enough sleep. I don't generally have anything of note in there, because I have to be held down and shouted at before it will occur to me to take medication when I'm sick or injured, so buying it when I'm not is out of the question, and I'm not on any prescriptions. I may have some epinephrine around somewhere. Anyway.
I tried the drug tactic a few months ago, with a muscle relaxant the name of which escapes me. I have a good history with muscle relaxants. I've had a couple of injuries that compelled me to use them, and they've always knocked me out. Not this time, though. No, this time I spent the entire night lying awake in bed, very relaxed but fully conscious. I finally went downstairs to the computer sometime after dawn, and discovered that I hadn't the willpower to make myself sit up properly or, you know, type. I spent most of the rest of the day on the couch. Sitting perfectly still had never been so pleasurable.
Last night I tried Promethazine, an anti-emetic known to friends who can afford brand name as the somewhat less silly Phenergan. It worked ... sort of. I'm naturally inclined to sleep not in a long block but in a lot of ten- to sixty-minute chunks interspersed with irritable wakefulness, and this is what Phenergan gave me, just a few hours earlier than it would have come on its own. I still feel sleepy, but I'm not sure if that's just because I didn't sleep very well, or if it's the drug. My roommate, when she described Phenergan's relevant side effect, used the word 'delicious'. The sleep I got was not 'delicious'. I feel cheated.
And then there is Benadryl, the perennial favorite, which clears my nasal passages and gives me eight hours of sound sleep, and which I am perpetually out of. I need to buy some fucking Benadryl. Somebody remind me on Thursday.
(Look, when I say 'tomorrow', obviously I mean sometime next week, maybe, if I feel like it.)
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no subject
Date: 2003-01-20 01:52 pm (UTC)Aside from tasting like Big Red gum soaked in grain alcohol.
I don't use it that way oftne, on the basic principle that someone with alcoholism in the family should not get in the habit of a shot of vodka to help her sleep every night.
from a fellow SAD insomniac
Date: 2003-02-18 06:54 am (UTC)It also works for resetting the ole' bio clock. They use it for resetting the sleep cycle shiftworkers, jet lagged folks, etc. I had a 3 week run of insomnia this summer (~4 hrs sleep per night... talk about pschosis...). Tried drugs, tried Good Sleep Habits. Nada. The light box straightened me out in a matter of days.
Let me know if you want to know more. I'll send you some web sites.
Re: from a fellow SAD insomniac
Date: 2003-03-12 01:19 am (UTC)Anyway, yes, absolutely, gimme links. My experience with bright light therapy begins and ends with a homebrew system that involves shining a searing full-spectrum light at myself until I feel like a sophont again, and it works, but it's like being fucked in the eyesocket by a sun god (I think this may be slightly more wattage than I need), and I don't do it on any kind of schedule, either or both of which may be related to its tendency to leave me feeling kind of anxious and twitchy.
Re: from a fellow SAD insomniac
Date: 2003-03-12 05:02 am (UTC)Nah. Trust me... I know about getting distracted by the ol' bright 'n shinies.
that very touching comment you left on one of lilairen's posts. Thank you for saying that.
Yah, she's... something.
And she rather likes you, which makes me think that you, too, are likely... something.
homebrew system that involves shining a searing full-spectrum light at myself until I feel like a sophont again, and it works, but it's like being fucked in the eyesocket by a sun god (I think this may be slightly more wattage than I need), and I don't do it on any kind of schedule, either or both of which may be related to its tendency to leave me feeling kind of anxious and twitchy.
Ouch ouch ouch!
Poor girl, fucked by the sun god.
Well, it sure sounds like you're like me, wired for light. The light boxes are actually brighter than the lightbulbs, but the light is diffused over an larger area and is evened out by the UV screen, so the experience (to me) is like being hit by a wall of light, rather than being pierced through the eye with it.
its tendency to leave me feeling kind of anxious and twitchy
This can happen with the light box too, but it is easily addressed by reducing the amount of time you use it.
Here are some links:
www.columbia.edu/~mt12/index.html
Winter Depression Program at Columbia-Presbyterian Medical Center in NYC
www.light-link.com/design_studio/reference/sad.html
Summary of Research on Seasonal Affective Disorder
good review of the scientific literature
www.apollolight.com
Apollo Light Systems, Inc
this is where I bought my light box. They have a 90 day (if I remember correctly) no-questions-asked return policy, and a 5 year warrantee. VERY nice.
www.sltbr.org
Society for Light Treatment and Biological Rhythms
www.claorg.org
Circadian Lighting Association
manufacturers' association. has good info re: how to choose the right product for you.
The regime: I sit in front of (<24” from) a light box for ~30 minutes, first thing every morning in Fall and Winter. The box consists of four high intensity fluorescent bulbs seated in non-flickering ballasts, backed by parabolic reflectors. The works are shielded to block UV rays.
Last year, I felt a significant change in mood within 3 days, and depression was pretty much eliminated within 3 weeks. (with a few short relapses through the Winter. Possibly related to PMS.) Had less success this year, don't know why. It's definitely helping, but just not as dramatically.
I had no side effects, other than dry eyes. And, I get jittery with >40 minutes of exposure, as if I had had too much coffee. My partner says >1 hour makes me intolerably chirpy.
Important caveat: bright light therapy can trigger a hypomanic or manic episode in people who are so disposed. I suspect this happened with me last Winter. I was recently diagnosed bipolar II . If you know you are bipolar or suspect it, check with a shrink before trying light therapy. If you try light therapy and find yourself speeding up beyond what seems humanly normal... see a shrink. (Don't mean to scare you here. Just want to let you know it can happen in a small percentage of people.)
They cost around $250 or $300. Some insurance companies will cover the costs. And, if you buy from a company with a good return policy, you can just get your money back if it doesn't work for you.
Let me know how it goes!
no subject
Date: 2006-09-19 02:28 pm (UTC)vetrenko.maxim@gmail.com.
Please! =))