(no subject)

When I was eleven or twelve, I was sitting in my room, at my desk, and noticed a scratching noise emanating from the ceiling. I mentioned it to my parents. They told me it was probably just the house settling.

Time passed. I noticed the scratching noise again, on numerous occasions. Sometimes it sounded more like buzzing. I mentioned it to my parents on slightly-less-numerous occasions, and each time was assured that it was just house noises, or that I was imagining things.

Then the ceiling directly above the center of my bed began to sag. This time they told me it was European yellowjackets eating through the drywall.

So, I really don't like Europeans. I mean yellowjackets. I have no special phobia about them, they just piss me off.

Now we've got them coming into the house in droves, and I suspect it's because they've built a nest in the roof; there's no other reason for them to be coming in here — not for warmth, and it occurs to me that I have no idea what yellowjackets eat, but I doubt the interior of the house smells of it. The landlord's going to drop by and take a look, and if he doesn't do something about it I'm going to nail him to the wall with a trowel and eat his liver while he watches.

Incidentally, I cornered my mother a year or so ago and made her apologize. She was amused.

Do Not Adjust Your Stapling Machine

( This log has not been altered in any way. No, really. )